recycled and unsettled

I posted this as a comment on a friends livejournal tonight:

Tonight, I met with my Japanese tutor for a lesson. A man sitting next to us heard us speaking in Japanese. He turned out to be a doctor from India that spoke fluent English and Japanese and (I assume) Hindi.
Later, I told my Japanese tutor that I only work 4 days a week and have 3 days to myself.
She asked, "nani o shite iru ka?".
Hmmm...What do I do?
Well, I write. And I study Japanese, and I meet with friends and talk to them. I don't go to school. I am definitely not a doctor that speaks 3 languages.
I felt very small.
I came home after my lesson and, feeling somewhat empty, decided to attempt to justify my existence with a beer and the internet. Wish me luck.
Nate

This is an accurate portrayal of the mood I was set into. Caffeine helped. The wonder of knowledge and innocence of learning can be deeply unseated by the realistic prospect of just how much I will never ever know.