Expansion of idea from last night.
Hierarchal relations of attraction.
Picture a triangle in two dimensions.
Now think of people that you like. You probably like people in different ways, but those ways can usually be classified into two or three larger groups: Potential lovers, friends (family - often included within friends, but sometimes not).
Each group gets a separate pyramid.
People that you meet get placed onto one of your pyramids right when you meet them, but they can then move to a different one or move back and forth between them as you get to know them better (One person can never occupy two or more pyramids at the same time, though he/she might move back and forth between them very very frequently.). These people are placed at different heights on the pyramid by you, according to how much they attract you (sexual or emotional or mental).
A persons position on your pyramid can fluctuate constantly, but some continue to rise towards the top. Those that stay near the top get the most attention.
People for whom your attraction fades drift towards the bottom at a rate equal to the speed of the loss of attraction.
Most people keep their pyramids a fairly close secret. It's very personally revealing to share that information with someone else, and also gives them power over you.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
hierarchal relations
I've had a thought tonight of attraction as a shifting hierarchy of desire, with some subjects placed in horribly close tandem, vying for the same spot in the imaginer and victim of the attraction, and with one subject usually above all the others.
The ranking in the hierarchy is determined by persistence of attraction over time. Some come and go, some come back, and some linger all along.
This is how I think my mind works when dealing with my attractions to others, most specifically women.
As I go lumbering through my field of attraction, the ones that stick around and show some interest are the ones that remain in the hierarchy. I don't really feel that I have much influence over it.
The more I think about it, the more I feel that I shouldn't think about it at all.
Enough said then.
The ranking in the hierarchy is determined by persistence of attraction over time. Some come and go, some come back, and some linger all along.
This is how I think my mind works when dealing with my attractions to others, most specifically women.
As I go lumbering through my field of attraction, the ones that stick around and show some interest are the ones that remain in the hierarchy. I don't really feel that I have much influence over it.
The more I think about it, the more I feel that I shouldn't think about it at all.
Enough said then.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Doom & DNA
All life linked by DNA back to our furthest ancestors. I like that thought.
Life persists.
I've heard some say that we are doomed. We are doomed to destroy ourselves through violence and fear, likely in a holocaust. What is meant by that? Do they mean the human race, or do they mean life itself? I think that's an important distinction.
I could agree with saying that the human race is doomed, but I won't agree with thinking that life is doomed. I wonder if anyone really feels that both are doomed?
I might have felt that way at various times in my past, that it has all been worthless, but not recently. Even in my worst moments, I've still been able to laugh - well maybe that's not quite true. There have been some moments that rendered me pretty motionless.
Still-
I feel that whatever we do, we'll find a way for life to survive. It may not be in an immediately recognizable form, but life will continue.
That helps me sleep sometimes.
Life persists.
I've heard some say that we are doomed. We are doomed to destroy ourselves through violence and fear, likely in a holocaust. What is meant by that? Do they mean the human race, or do they mean life itself? I think that's an important distinction.
I could agree with saying that the human race is doomed, but I won't agree with thinking that life is doomed. I wonder if anyone really feels that both are doomed?
I might have felt that way at various times in my past, that it has all been worthless, but not recently. Even in my worst moments, I've still been able to laugh - well maybe that's not quite true. There have been some moments that rendered me pretty motionless.
Still-
I feel that whatever we do, we'll find a way for life to survive. It may not be in an immediately recognizable form, but life will continue.
That helps me sleep sometimes.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
years later
Thoughts revisit sometimes.
They are born, and flame up, sometimes taking physical form before the fire is spent, and the spark retires.
The physical remnants can come back though, and the thoughts can return with the same poignancy.
A scent is all it takes to recall a whole scene of life. A street, a car interior, the company, the expressions.
A perfume, a song, a story, a photograph, a movie: any of these things can send me quivering through a rocket launch of memory and emotion.
Sleep is a balm that heals the reopened slashes of times like these.
They are born, and flame up, sometimes taking physical form before the fire is spent, and the spark retires.
The physical remnants can come back though, and the thoughts can return with the same poignancy.
A scent is all it takes to recall a whole scene of life. A street, a car interior, the company, the expressions.
A perfume, a song, a story, a photograph, a movie: any of these things can send me quivering through a rocket launch of memory and emotion.
Sleep is a balm that heals the reopened slashes of times like these.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Procrastination?
Today was a day I reserved for studying Japanese and doing some housework that gets neglected during my odd work week: dishes, laundry, sweep the floor.
I've been avoiding the novel I wrote last November, but only in part. I've been thinking about it a lot. I finally started my first read-through of it a few days ago. I read the first chapter, and made notes on paper and in the computer version of the text. I like the technique, and already came up with a lot of things I'd like to change.
Now I need to work a continually recurring version of this process into my weekly routine, and I'll get the editing done, and turn my book into something I really like, rather than something I sorta of like and am a little embarrassed of.
My insurance kicked in anew as of the first of January, and I've been feeling a need to schedule a dental appointment and find an eye doctor and a general practitioner of medicine in my neighborhood. Something else I've been putting off.
I believe I like to put things off.
I've become so much better about actually doing the things I put on my lists than when I was younger, but this just encourages me to put more things on the list.
I really like to cross things off that I've added to the list, but I also feel that I may enjoy even more the self effacing misery of knowing that I'm doing other things than what my list tells me I ought to be doing.
That anguish may be what keeps any artistically able functioning alive in my electron tweezed brain.
I hope so because my tendencies don't appear to be changing, only getting more complex.
I've been avoiding the novel I wrote last November, but only in part. I've been thinking about it a lot. I finally started my first read-through of it a few days ago. I read the first chapter, and made notes on paper and in the computer version of the text. I like the technique, and already came up with a lot of things I'd like to change.
Now I need to work a continually recurring version of this process into my weekly routine, and I'll get the editing done, and turn my book into something I really like, rather than something I sorta of like and am a little embarrassed of.
My insurance kicked in anew as of the first of January, and I've been feeling a need to schedule a dental appointment and find an eye doctor and a general practitioner of medicine in my neighborhood. Something else I've been putting off.
I believe I like to put things off.
I've become so much better about actually doing the things I put on my lists than when I was younger, but this just encourages me to put more things on the list.
I really like to cross things off that I've added to the list, but I also feel that I may enjoy even more the self effacing misery of knowing that I'm doing other things than what my list tells me I ought to be doing.
That anguish may be what keeps any artistically able functioning alive in my electron tweezed brain.
I hope so because my tendencies don't appear to be changing, only getting more complex.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Banana
Bananas are amazing.
They are the perfect fruit.
They've got everything you need,
and they make you toot.
They are the perfect fruit.
They've got everything you need,
and they make you toot.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Sun Stones Moon
At work yesterday, (I am a cashier at a large grocery store) I suddenly found that there were more than three full carts of groceries lined up in front of my register, waiting to be rung up, and all part of the same order. That's very unusual.
A large grocery order at my job is usually around $250. Sometimes $300 or $400, rarely ever $500.
This order came to $2,900, and the guy paid with 29 $100 bills.
Turned out that he was the chef for the Rolling Stones, whom are apparently in town.
--------------------------------------
I recently realized something.
Most of the modern world currently uses a calendar system of 12 months that follows the cycles of the sun; a solar calendar (which keeps winter from eventually occurring in June in the northern hemisphere). The sun is generally perceived as being masculine, in contrast to the moons femininity; likely because of a woman's period matching the 28 day cycle of the moon (a woman with normal and regular periods, anyway).
Here is the realization:
The corporate world is primarily a male dominated place and has been so for a long time, but it has to operate through the use of a fiscal year, which as I understand it, is broken down in the same way as a lunar calendar: into 4 week periods.
Just as the moon cycles, and just as a woman's body cycles, so cycles the corporate world of finances and exchange.
A large grocery order at my job is usually around $250. Sometimes $300 or $400, rarely ever $500.
This order came to $2,900, and the guy paid with 29 $100 bills.
Turned out that he was the chef for the Rolling Stones, whom are apparently in town.
--------------------------------------
I recently realized something.
Most of the modern world currently uses a calendar system of 12 months that follows the cycles of the sun; a solar calendar (which keeps winter from eventually occurring in June in the northern hemisphere). The sun is generally perceived as being masculine, in contrast to the moons femininity; likely because of a woman's period matching the 28 day cycle of the moon (a woman with normal and regular periods, anyway).
Here is the realization:
The corporate world is primarily a male dominated place and has been so for a long time, but it has to operate through the use of a fiscal year, which as I understand it, is broken down in the same way as a lunar calendar: into 4 week periods.
Just as the moon cycles, and just as a woman's body cycles, so cycles the corporate world of finances and exchange.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Date
I came home tonight, at a very very late hour. I was tired and feeling a bit hungry and came in through the back entrance of my building. I thought about going up the back stairs, but decided to coddle my body and walk to the front to take the elevator.
While there, I thought I may as well check my mail.
Sitting in front of the mail boxes, on top of a box, was a tray, laden with dried fruit.
At 3am on a Thursday night (oxymoron? no!!). No one was around.
I was so happy to see dried fruit!
I took a prune and a date and a FIG and a pineapple ring with a cherry in the center.
I live in a fairly large, somewhat impersonal building with 30-40 other tenants that I rarely see.
Thank you for the fruit.
While there, I thought I may as well check my mail.
Sitting in front of the mail boxes, on top of a box, was a tray, laden with dried fruit.
At 3am on a Thursday night (oxymoron? no!!). No one was around.
I was so happy to see dried fruit!
I took a prune and a date and a FIG and a pineapple ring with a cherry in the center.
I live in a fairly large, somewhat impersonal building with 30-40 other tenants that I rarely see.
Thank you for the fruit.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Past in present
A few weeks ago, I checked out two books from the library.
Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf and The Light of Other Days by Arthur C. Clarke and Stephen Baxter.
I finished Mrs. Dalloway today, and picked up the second book.
I was surprised to find that there was a quote from Virginia Woolf in the beginning of the book, that explained the premise of The Light of Other Days.
How oddly synchronous is that?
This is the quote:
"Is it not possible-I often wonder-that things we have felt with great intensity have an experience independent of our minds; are in fact still in existence? And if so, will it not be possible, in time, that some device will be invented by which we can tap them?...Instead of remembering here a scene and there a sound, I shall fit a plug into the wall; and listen in to the past..."
Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf and The Light of Other Days by Arthur C. Clarke and Stephen Baxter.
I finished Mrs. Dalloway today, and picked up the second book.
I was surprised to find that there was a quote from Virginia Woolf in the beginning of the book, that explained the premise of The Light of Other Days.
How oddly synchronous is that?
This is the quote:
"Is it not possible-I often wonder-that things we have felt with great intensity have an experience independent of our minds; are in fact still in existence? And if so, will it not be possible, in time, that some device will be invented by which we can tap them?...Instead of remembering here a scene and there a sound, I shall fit a plug into the wall; and listen in to the past..."
Today was
a good day. I woke up at noon. Decided not to have tea, and have an uncaffeinated day.
Worked out, enjoyed breakfast, studied a little, and then I decided that I wanted to move around, and went for a walk.
Chose to walk to the lake, and freeze a view of it in January in my mind.
On the way there I found a spectacularly large, roman, and round building that I'd never noticed before. Walking around it I found enormous sculptures of elk guarding the front gates.
The building was The Elks Veterans Memorial Building, and was open to the public, so I ventured in out of curiosity.
As I walked up the steps, I examined the door, looking for a handle. The front entry was huge and bronze and flat and very imposing. It did not appear possible to enter, looking at it. I came closer and saw a plaque attached to one side of the door with a button and a sign: "Press button for entry."
I pressed the button.
A very old man opened the door slowly, inward.
I walked inside and was immediately impressed with the enormity of the room I was walking into; an enormously round room that arced up to a high dome.
The horrendously old man (with an odd growth upon his chin that drew my eyes) gave me some light history of the building and invited me to walk around on my own.
I stood in the center of the dome and gazed straight up to the point, a hundred feet from my own feet.
I explored the building and it was spectacular, with a shockingly ornate room beyond the dome patterned after the Great Hall at Versaille.
After my exploration of the dome, I went to the rocks at the shore of the lake, and watched day turn to night, the lights of far off downtown slowly appearing, as the outlines of the tall buildings grew hazier.
I walked home and studied more, then went to a poetry performance and open mic.
I performed a piece of mine that I've memorized, and won exhilaration from the effort of exhibition. I enjoyed the performed and returned home in long bouncing strides, jubilant.
I rewarded myself with a beer from the mini-mart and retired to make room for the next day.
Worked out, enjoyed breakfast, studied a little, and then I decided that I wanted to move around, and went for a walk.
Chose to walk to the lake, and freeze a view of it in January in my mind.
On the way there I found a spectacularly large, roman, and round building that I'd never noticed before. Walking around it I found enormous sculptures of elk guarding the front gates.
The building was The Elks Veterans Memorial Building, and was open to the public, so I ventured in out of curiosity.
As I walked up the steps, I examined the door, looking for a handle. The front entry was huge and bronze and flat and very imposing. It did not appear possible to enter, looking at it. I came closer and saw a plaque attached to one side of the door with a button and a sign: "Press button for entry."
I pressed the button.
A very old man opened the door slowly, inward.
I walked inside and was immediately impressed with the enormity of the room I was walking into; an enormously round room that arced up to a high dome.
The horrendously old man (with an odd growth upon his chin that drew my eyes) gave me some light history of the building and invited me to walk around on my own.
I stood in the center of the dome and gazed straight up to the point, a hundred feet from my own feet.
I explored the building and it was spectacular, with a shockingly ornate room beyond the dome patterned after the Great Hall at Versaille.
After my exploration of the dome, I went to the rocks at the shore of the lake, and watched day turn to night, the lights of far off downtown slowly appearing, as the outlines of the tall buildings grew hazier.
I walked home and studied more, then went to a poetry performance and open mic.
I performed a piece of mine that I've memorized, and won exhilaration from the effort of exhibition. I enjoyed the performed and returned home in long bouncing strides, jubilant.
I rewarded myself with a beer from the mini-mart and retired to make room for the next day.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Sauce
Tonight I made pasta for myself, and for my lunches at work for a few days.
I used a can of whole tomatoes and a can of sauce that had a few seasonings in it (garlic and basil, I think I read on the can). One can of tomato paste as well, all of which was hanging out in my cupboards.
I put the whole tomatoes in the pan first, and mushed them up well with a spoon, and then added the other tomato bits.
Next I added a small can of sliced olives and a 8oz of sliced mushrooms-fresh. A bunch of cumin, some cayenne, some sliced sun-dried tomatoes and six (I accidentally typed sex, the first time) whole cloves of garlic, crushed (garlic is sexy).
Meatiness was a pack of ground Quorn (which is not meat, but mostly mushroom+egg white).
Served over Penne Rigate.
It was delicious, and will continue to be delicious over the next week when thawed, and consumed at work.
I used a can of whole tomatoes and a can of sauce that had a few seasonings in it (garlic and basil, I think I read on the can). One can of tomato paste as well, all of which was hanging out in my cupboards.
I put the whole tomatoes in the pan first, and mushed them up well with a spoon, and then added the other tomato bits.
Next I added a small can of sliced olives and a 8oz of sliced mushrooms-fresh. A bunch of cumin, some cayenne, some sliced sun-dried tomatoes and six (I accidentally typed sex, the first time) whole cloves of garlic, crushed (garlic is sexy).
Meatiness was a pack of ground Quorn (which is not meat, but mostly mushroom+egg white).
Served over Penne Rigate.
It was delicious, and will continue to be delicious over the next week when thawed, and consumed at work.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
I really don't
I've been thinking about Christianity and love and atheism and any religion, any faith, that I've learned of. I've been thinking about safety, and the dangerous activity that living is.
I've been thinking about the great mystery that existing is, that feeling anything is, and how faith is an effort to lay that to rest, to be a great snuggly blanket that anyone who wants to can snuggle up under. I distrust the rigidity of calmness and peace that I see in some that hold their religions so dearly. It is so often a painfully obvious bandaid, and I itch to peel it's sticky fabric back, and see what lies beneath the blanket.
Tonight, in reading Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf, I came to a part just after a meeting between her and her young daughter, and an older woman teacher in Mrs. Dalloway's opulent home. The older woman is dirt poor and a recently converted Christian.
The older woman has taken the daughter into her confidence, and Mrs. Dalloway is distraught by this, as she holds a mutual disgust with the woman.
She is thinking of her life and her recent closeness to death, and the roses her husband brought her that day (he never brings her roses!). What is being Christian, in comparison to anything?
Afterward she sees a woman from her home's window in a neighboring house, a very old woman. Every day, for so long, she has been able to watch this old woman climb a set of stairs and sit in a chair to look out the window, never apparently catching Mrs. Dalloway watching her.
She watches the woman sit, and watches when the woman moves around her room, even as she loses sight, and she wonders, trying to see, but being unable and there is the great mystery so many religious folk claim to have solved:
"here was one room; there another. Did religion solve that..."
I don't understand a thing.
I've been thinking about the great mystery that existing is, that feeling anything is, and how faith is an effort to lay that to rest, to be a great snuggly blanket that anyone who wants to can snuggle up under. I distrust the rigidity of calmness and peace that I see in some that hold their religions so dearly. It is so often a painfully obvious bandaid, and I itch to peel it's sticky fabric back, and see what lies beneath the blanket.
Tonight, in reading Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf, I came to a part just after a meeting between her and her young daughter, and an older woman teacher in Mrs. Dalloway's opulent home. The older woman is dirt poor and a recently converted Christian.
The older woman has taken the daughter into her confidence, and Mrs. Dalloway is distraught by this, as she holds a mutual disgust with the woman.
She is thinking of her life and her recent closeness to death, and the roses her husband brought her that day (he never brings her roses!). What is being Christian, in comparison to anything?
Afterward she sees a woman from her home's window in a neighboring house, a very old woman. Every day, for so long, she has been able to watch this old woman climb a set of stairs and sit in a chair to look out the window, never apparently catching Mrs. Dalloway watching her.
She watches the woman sit, and watches when the woman moves around her room, even as she loses sight, and she wonders, trying to see, but being unable and there is the great mystery so many religious folk claim to have solved:
"here was one room; there another. Did religion solve that..."
I don't understand a thing.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Final Chester update
As of 9:48am PST Chester the 7' boa constrictor has been safely freed from the dash. His freedom required the entire removal of the dashboard of the car, but was successful and the car is still drivable with the dashboard re-installed. Hooray for Chester.
Also, I got a new keyboard today from a hospital resale shop that I wondered into. Buried in the far depths of the stores warehouse, next oddly useless home freezie/slurpee makers, and above a dsl modem in it's mailing box, I found my new keyboard: an hp gray and navy blue thing that looks brand new and functions wonderfully. I'm please.
Also, I got a new keyboard today from a hospital resale shop that I wondered into. Buried in the far depths of the stores warehouse, next oddly useless home freezie/slurpee makers, and above a dsl modem in it's mailing box, I found my new keyboard: an hp gray and navy blue thing that looks brand new and functions wonderfully. I'm please.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Chester the Snake follow up II
As of 10:40am PST a mechanic has been found that is willing to help them get the snake out of the dash, as he has not yet come out to eat the brains. The snake should be removed sometime soon.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Chester the Snake follow up
I posted yesterday about a snake in a dashboard. Here is the story so far, as I understand it (it has been filtered through a third party and an internet comments thread):
Sometime on Friday, Jan 6th, a mother was driving from Northern California to Los Angeles to deliver her daughter's pet to her. The pet is Chester, a 7' long Boa Constrictor, and prior to the drive he had been sealed up in a large cardboard box with duct tape and placed in a '91 Subaru Loyale, the mothers car.
Toward the end of the trip, the mother got out of the car to get a bite to eat. When she returned to the vehicle she found that the snake had escaped the box and was climbing up into the glove box and behind the dash.
In a panic (and terrified that the snake might bite her) she drove the remaining distance to her daughters home. When she returned to the car with her daughter, they found Chester entwined around the brake and clutch pedals (making the car undrivable), and the rest of it hidden in the dashboard. It had recently eaten as well.
The mother, and possibly the daughter, did not sleep that night, as the car was parked out in the open, and she was afraid that the snake would come out at night and wander off into LA.
Sometime on Friday or Saturday, the help of two herpetologists from the local zoo was enlisted, but they were unable to extract the snake, and it became agitated and puffed up.
They tried to remove part of the dashboard, but were unable to do so because part of the snakes body was covering a few of the screws that they needed access to.
Around 8pm on saturday night, it was decided that placing a dead rat in the car might lure the snake out.
The next morning, likely after some sleep for those who had not had it, there was still no change in the snakes situation. The plan changed to putting a dead rat in a box in the back seat of the car, to lure it out and also to prevent it from being able to eat the rat and then happily return to the dash.
By sunday afternoon they were hoping to find a mechanic willing to help them get the dash out of the car to manually remove the snake from it.
Sunday evening they received some advice from a snake handler (via the internet): to extract a rat brain and place it in a Chester-sized box with some dirt and wait. The boyfriend of the snake's owner volunteered to extract the brain.
That is the story so far.
If the rat brain doesn't work, a subaru mechanic in Montana has offered to talk the mother through the dissassembly of the dashboard over the phone.
The story is still developing here.
Source: Thanks to quickdraw from Fark.com for sharing this story.
Sometime on Friday, Jan 6th, a mother was driving from Northern California to Los Angeles to deliver her daughter's pet to her. The pet is Chester, a 7' long Boa Constrictor, and prior to the drive he had been sealed up in a large cardboard box with duct tape and placed in a '91 Subaru Loyale, the mothers car.
Toward the end of the trip, the mother got out of the car to get a bite to eat. When she returned to the vehicle she found that the snake had escaped the box and was climbing up into the glove box and behind the dash.
In a panic (and terrified that the snake might bite her) she drove the remaining distance to her daughters home. When she returned to the car with her daughter, they found Chester entwined around the brake and clutch pedals (making the car undrivable), and the rest of it hidden in the dashboard. It had recently eaten as well.
The mother, and possibly the daughter, did not sleep that night, as the car was parked out in the open, and she was afraid that the snake would come out at night and wander off into LA.
Sometime on Friday or Saturday, the help of two herpetologists from the local zoo was enlisted, but they were unable to extract the snake, and it became agitated and puffed up.
They tried to remove part of the dashboard, but were unable to do so because part of the snakes body was covering a few of the screws that they needed access to.
Around 8pm on saturday night, it was decided that placing a dead rat in the car might lure the snake out.
The next morning, likely after some sleep for those who had not had it, there was still no change in the snakes situation. The plan changed to putting a dead rat in a box in the back seat of the car, to lure it out and also to prevent it from being able to eat the rat and then happily return to the dash.
By sunday afternoon they were hoping to find a mechanic willing to help them get the dash out of the car to manually remove the snake from it.
Sunday evening they received some advice from a snake handler (via the internet): to extract a rat brain and place it in a Chester-sized box with some dirt and wait. The boyfriend of the snake's owner volunteered to extract the brain.
That is the story so far.
If the rat brain doesn't work, a subaru mechanic in Montana has offered to talk the mother through the dissassembly of the dashboard over the phone.
The story is still developing here.
Source: Thanks to quickdraw from Fark.com for sharing this story.
7' Boa stuck in dashboard
Wow.
This link from fark.com is the discussion thread with the details of the situation. I just spent the last hour or two reading through all of the comments. No resolution to the situation yet, so I'll have to wait till the morning to find out what happened.
I laughed so so bwa ha ha hard while I was reading these.
At first I thought it was a joke, that a snake could not really be very difficult to remove from the interior of a dashboard, but after reading through that, it does seem to be something that is very hard to do.
Worth reading through.
This link from fark.com is the discussion thread with the details of the situation. I just spent the last hour or two reading through all of the comments. No resolution to the situation yet, so I'll have to wait till the morning to find out what happened.
I laughed so so bwa ha ha hard while I was reading these.
At first I thought it was a joke, that a snake could not really be very difficult to remove from the interior of a dashboard, but after reading through that, it does seem to be something that is very hard to do.
Worth reading through.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
good night
Tonight I closed two bars, an extreme rarity for me. Actually, I don't think I've ever done that before. So fuck a rarity, it's a first.
It was great.
I drank, I laughed, at the first place.
On the way to the second one I listened to loud music that I didn't know very well and screamed and tried to climb out the sunroof.
At the second one I danced crazily all around the dance floor and then found a partner to weave in and out of the crowd with me.
It was a damn good night.
It was great.
I drank, I laughed, at the first place.
On the way to the second one I listened to loud music that I didn't know very well and screamed and tried to climb out the sunroof.
At the second one I danced crazily all around the dance floor and then found a partner to weave in and out of the crowd with me.
It was a damn good night.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
snow
Tonight I watched a beautiful movie.
When hope and the nice things peel away and float to the ground, like a bit of down,
down down to the carpet to be ground in;
I find a book.
Or a movie.
Some place that has been recorded by another, and I sink in to it.
Solace is there.
I love that it can be found.
When hope and the nice things peel away and float to the ground, like a bit of down,
down down to the carpet to be ground in;
I find a book.
Or a movie.
Some place that has been recorded by another, and I sink in to it.
Solace is there.
I love that it can be found.
think speak
I am constantly mystified that everyone else in the world is not like me, and does not think the way that I do.
I am aware that we are all very different, but the ways in which those differences reveal themselves are generally surprising when they come hurtling towards by egocentrism.
Trying to figure out why someone wouldn't want to learn a second language, or how someone can see the bible as being the best reflection of truth in the world sends my mind twisting through a laundry ringer.
I can recall a time in my past when I didn't care that English was my only language, and had no desire to learn another one. I was too distracted at the time by my immediate surroundings, and needs. Physically, I was a party animal and a work horse, constantly dancing and consuming drugs like a vacuum and going straight to work when the sun came up. Mentally, I suppose I was quite stimulated. There was a lot of good conversation, and not all of it was utopian wonderprose or disconnected jabbering.
I guess there are just so many things to think of and do, that everyone is going to have their own peculiar jumble of interests jabbing at their attention. I'm not special in mine, but still, how do other people think? I can only know through my own ability to think.
I am aware that we are all very different, but the ways in which those differences reveal themselves are generally surprising when they come hurtling towards by egocentrism.
Trying to figure out why someone wouldn't want to learn a second language, or how someone can see the bible as being the best reflection of truth in the world sends my mind twisting through a laundry ringer.
I can recall a time in my past when I didn't care that English was my only language, and had no desire to learn another one. I was too distracted at the time by my immediate surroundings, and needs. Physically, I was a party animal and a work horse, constantly dancing and consuming drugs like a vacuum and going straight to work when the sun came up. Mentally, I suppose I was quite stimulated. There was a lot of good conversation, and not all of it was utopian wonderprose or disconnected jabbering.
I guess there are just so many things to think of and do, that everyone is going to have their own peculiar jumble of interests jabbing at their attention. I'm not special in mine, but still, how do other people think? I can only know through my own ability to think.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Bible
I read the book of John today from the New Testament.
After spending many years avoiding all things biblical and christian, I felt almost heretical to be sitting down in a public place and reading from the bible.
I felt as if I was burning a flag, or masturbating on the sidewalk.
This makes me feel I should read more of the bible, and probably other religious texts. At least scan through them. I do not want to have such a feeling of avoidance in me for these books, a feeling that I didn't even realize was there.
After spending many years avoiding all things biblical and christian, I felt almost heretical to be sitting down in a public place and reading from the bible.
I felt as if I was burning a flag, or masturbating on the sidewalk.
This makes me feel I should read more of the bible, and probably other religious texts. At least scan through them. I do not want to have such a feeling of avoidance in me for these books, a feeling that I didn't even realize was there.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Fall
He returned from his break and retrieved his drawer of money from the lock box it had been stored in. He waited for the supervisor to tell him which register to go to, and who to send on break next. The supervisor seemed nervous, and did not respond very promptly.
He received his destination and walked around the desk towards the registers. As he came to the first one he saw that no one was standing in it and then noticed what was below. A woman lay on the ground, her eyes closed and unmoving, looking as though she lay where she fell. He recognized her. She worked with him, but had started only recently, and was engaging to speak with. She looked dead.
Then he noticed that another cashier was sitting calmly with the girl, holding her head off the floor. "She must be alive," he thought. "You don't hold someone who has just died like that. Not that calmly." Perhaps she fainted.
A short while later, the lights of an ambulance shone flashing through the store's front window. He turned around from his work momentarily to see that she was sitting up with the medics, her eyes open, a confused and withdrawn expression held to her face with thick air.
They took her away.
He received his destination and walked around the desk towards the registers. As he came to the first one he saw that no one was standing in it and then noticed what was below. A woman lay on the ground, her eyes closed and unmoving, looking as though she lay where she fell. He recognized her. She worked with him, but had started only recently, and was engaging to speak with. She looked dead.
Then he noticed that another cashier was sitting calmly with the girl, holding her head off the floor. "She must be alive," he thought. "You don't hold someone who has just died like that. Not that calmly." Perhaps she fainted.
A short while later, the lights of an ambulance shone flashing through the store's front window. He turned around from his work momentarily to see that she was sitting up with the medics, her eyes open, a confused and withdrawn expression held to her face with thick air.
They took her away.
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